fifty-nine

tonight my heart is with the people of Haiti.

fifty-eight

fifty-seven

falling stars

so many electric nights

we walked

quietly arm in arm

slept in a sweet tangle

laughed

and watched a city unfold

you kissed me

at the eagle tavern

in the apollo theater

in the dark of my room

malls and miles

whiskey and ice

i hold on to you still

always

back of my mind

top of my heart

fifty-six

photo by Edward Weston

thinking about love
and loneliness
and how the cold, cold weather
makes me think of these things constantly.
it must be in our nature
to wish to be warm beside someone.
to share this strange and beautiful life with another.
to go through all the pains of love for a few sweet, fleeting moments.

alone is okay.
alone can be amazing.
but i can't help dreaming.
and thinking that together sure would be nice too...

fifty-five

a bit of a bumpy first week...
but it will get better.
just letting things be.
walking through it.
waiting it out.
trusting myself and life to find the way back to inspiration.
this friday i will perform for the first time since moving here.
it is a lovely solo that a friend choreographed.
it is about loneliness and vastness and letting go.
stories i know very well these days.
it will surely be strange and wonderful to be onstage again.
i am scared and thrilled at once.
and that is the beauty of being a performer.
you never, ever stop feeling that quickening,
that lovely and terrible wonder.
that sweet, crisp awareness that you are
absolutely and truly
opened up.
finally
completely
yourself.

fifty-four

fifty-three

*cheers to 2010*